Ok I know that I haven't posted for a few days sooo

on with the story. Well Nikki is at it again. She left again last night (this time just for a walk to clear her head) but we did call the police b/c she did threaten to hit Lexie, Angel, and myself, she threw her wedding band at us, and she lunged at Lexie. She also said that she would be better off dead--she might as well go kill herself, etc.--she did this in front of her sons. Jason, the 5 yr old, had been crying and wanting his daddy so she told him that she didn't want to hear him say Brian's name and if he didn't stop saying his daddy's name that she was going to come knock his head off. At this point, Lexie lost it on Nikki and finally had to say the one thing that she didn't ever want to tell her sister--that she was a terrible mother. Lexie also said to her that she has been taking care/cleaning up after her for years and she was done. She loves Nikki and it really hurts her when she does this to us but mostly to her kids.

I think that the boys are kinda getting used to mommy's "wig-outs" because they weren't really crying like they used to and Jason said that he needed to run upstairs and fight with mommy. My heart just sank when he said that. Jason is only 5 and he doesn't need to deal with things like this at such an early age, well none of them do but sadly they are. We are just trying to be there for all three boys and loving them like they need to be loved.

This has been one of the most heart wrenching things that I have had to go through in my life. I hope that we can just get Nikki the help that she needs so that she can once again be a wonderful part of her sons lives.

I had asked my husband, George, last night "where we went wrong?" and he lovingly told me that we didn't--I felt like some of it was my fault but I know that its not. I have just been so stressed and its taken a toll on my health somewhat because all I want to do is sleep after being up only a few hours in the morning but I have to fight myself until late afternoon most days before I take a nap. I make sure everything is taken care of for the boys before I do and usually I take Alex, 2 yr old, with me because he needs one also. I just don't know how much more I can take of this but with God's help, I will be able to do it somehow.

I just don't know what else to write because its just so jumbled in my head so I will close for now.